Want to know what happens when you show up for a school visit and then 3 seconds before you are supposed to do your thing, a man comes along and straps a second microphone on you and says, "Hi, I'm Michael. I'll be videotaping this for our local TV channel."?

This is what happens-->

Then you wind up acting like a rooster on television.

http://www.usd259.com/news/streaming/Wichita+School+News.htm

Foxfire (Trickster's Game #3) (2009)
Written by: Barbara Campbell
Genre: Epic Fantasy
Pages: 628 (Mass Market Paperback)

I might have been late reading Bloodstone, but considering the third and final volume in the Tickster's Game trilogy was just released this year, I feel like I'm on top of things! Finishing this trilogy is just another baby-step in my personal goal of catching up on and completing the serials I've got on my shelves. One down. SO MANY MORE to go.

The premise: taken from the author's website, because I'm evil like that: On the bleak northern moors, Darak and his family begin a new life, free from the prejudices of their tribe and the looming threat of the Zherosi. But their past continues to haunt them, and choices made years ago threaten their future as surely as the armies that raze their forests.

As rebellion spreads and the tribes fight for survival, a new force enters the game--Rigat, the youngest son of Darak and Griane. Gifted with magic far greater than Keirith’s, Rigat is the only one who might be able to save his people. Aided by the Trickster, he embarks on a dangerous game of deception that will determine the future of the children of the Oak and Holly--and the fate of the gods they worship.

Review style: if I'd reviewed this book sooner (sorry folks, I've been distracted), you would've gotten far more in-depth. Instead, you're gonna get something stream-of-conscious that has the POTENTIAL of going in-depth, but may or may not get there. Spoilers? Yes, because it's the end of the trilogy and I want to talk about how that makes me feel. :)

( FOXFIRE: spoilers )

My Rating

Give It Away: which is a hard rating for me to give. Because I sort of know the author, and I really, really, REALLY like the author. And I'll be honest: I couldn't have written something like this, so I applaud that she was able to write an epic fantasy trilogy with such detail and description and well-realized characters. It's her "first" effort, and as a writer, it's not a stretch at all to say that Campbell's got potential, and I'm really, really, REALLY looking forward to her future books. I want to see what else she's capable of, and based on what I've read so far, I think she's capable of a lot.

That said, the trilogy's final installment didn't satisfy me the way I'd hoped, but I think that's in part due to my own personal bias when it comes to reading fiction. And an important note: Heartwood, the first book, is essentially a stand-alone. You can read the second book, Bloodstone, without reading Heartwood (though you'll miss important character-building stuff), but you cannot, absolutely CANNOT, read the third and final installment, Foxfire, without having read at least Bloodstone.

Should you give the trilogy a shot? Heartwood remains my favorite of the trilogy. I love Campbell's focus on tribal people, as that's not something I've seen often in epic fantasy unless it's to vilify them. And the latter conflict between the tribal people and the Mediterranean-like peoples is also compelling--again, it's something I haven't personally seen all that often in fantasy, so I was happy for something different. And again, Campbell does a great job with setting and world-building. It's just that the trilogy didn't resolve on the emotional note that I wished, and I'm happy to acknowledge that may be more my fault than the author's. If you're interested, I'd say you should start with Heartwood, especially since it can be read as a stand-alone.

Cover Commentary: in terms of design? I think this is my favorite cover. First off, it LOOKS like the type of fantasy novel it is. Something magical, something in which reality may not be what it appears to be. And it features the Trickster! Yay for Fellgair! My only complaint about the cover is the font choice and style for Campbell's name. It looks too PhotoShop-y with the glowing letters. And I am sorry that they changed the overall design, because now the covers don't match at all. However, I still stand by my assessment that Bloodstone looked too sword-and-sorcery, and Heartwood, while my favorite from an artistic standpoint, looked too much like a romance novel. But that's me. :) This cover is green, and green makes me happy. :)

I love Texas. Yeah, me, a Jersey boy. The thing is, the librarians in Texas work really hard to get kids into reading. I'm visiting five middle schools in Sugar Land (near Houston) this week. In most of the schools, I'm only speaking to one grade. Why? Because many of the middle schools bring in a different author for each grade. Imagine that -- three author visits to coordinate each year. And the libraries have great displays of the Lone Star Book lists. It's just really good in many ways. As I wander around each library, I just marvel at how much good stuff is out there for kids to read.

The kids I've spoken to have been wonderful. I had 7th graders on Monday, and they were among the best behaved I've ever met. The same for today's sixth graders. The teachers were also wonderful. So, yeah, I love Texas. On top of everything else, it's warm. Once I go back home, I won't be warm again for months. But even if it was cold, I'd be happy to be here.

The Blurb On The Back:

Nya has a secret she must never share.
A gift she must never use.
A world she must never question.
And a sister whose life depends on her doing all three.

Fifteen-year-old Nya survives on odd jobs and optimism, finding both in short supply in a city crippled by war. Then a bungled egg theft and a stupid act of compassion exposes her secret to two powerful groups – the pain merchants and the Healers’ League.

They discover Nya is a Taker, a healer who can pull pain and injury from others. Unlike the League apprentices, she can’t release that pain into their store of enchanted metal. All she can do is shift it from person to person, a dangerous skill that she must keep hidden from the forces occupying her city.

But when a new disaster strikes, Nya finds that her talent is suddenly in great demand – but at what cost?


( The Review (Cut For Spoilers): )

The Verdict:

An excellent debut filled with original ideas and strong characterisation. Definitely worth a look.

I just want to vent for a moment. I have been browsing/searching the huge world of fanfiction for over a week now (I used to be a very productive fanfic writer, but for the past several years have not been into fanfic until just recently again), trying to find stories with certain themes/categories/criteria and one thing really irks me. Non-existent Summaries! When I am trying to find fic that has certain topics or scenes in it, I need more details than just "missing scene for this episode" or "Daniel reflects" or "What would Jack do?" etc.
If I am going to be starting to read a fic that is hundreds of pages long, I need to know if it is going to be something I am interested in before I start! There are at least a hundred fics on my hard drive already, but most of them I am just taking a chance on because they are labeled as "Angst, H/C, Slash" but that describes half of all SG-1 fic for cryin' out loud! :P
Does anyone else have pet peeves when it comes to fanfic?

I am new to LJ and to this community. I am looking for a place to write and to get feedback on my writing. I hope you enjoy my writing! I certainly have enjoyed much of the posts in this community!

</div></div>

I've noticed I'm a very detailed writer and given to criminal acts of info dump and I was sort of sleuthing out how graphic is too graphic, both violence wise and sex wise.  I mean sex and violence sell right?  But where do you draw the line?  How many of you really want a play by play in a peice of good fantasy/fiction?  There is something to be said for leaving to the imagination but I find myself drawn to things like Laurell K. Hamilton that might as well just be porn for all the story line that's in it.  (the Meredith Gentry character makes Phedre from Jacueline Carry's Kushiel trilolgy look like a disney princess)

I'll be honest, I'm a play by play sort of writer and I can get graphic and greusome.  I think what I really want to know is should I be taking it back a step or five.  Is there room for play by play in mainstream or do I really need to keep those scenes to myself?  When you are reading for your own enjoyment how much is too much?

I just learned about this from Jill, who comments at the 7-Imp blog:

Adult Literacy - Project Second Chance

Project Second Chance (PSC), the Contra Costa County Library Adult Literacy Program, offers free, confidential one-on-one basic literacy instruction to people who are over 16 years of age, out of school and conversant in English.

PSC Fundraiser:

On Tuesday, Nov. 10th when you shop at ANY Barnes & Noble, a percentage of your purchase will benefit PSC. Just give the cashier this code: 10040467.

As a special treat, PSC friend, volunteer and former staff member B. Lynn Goodwin will be signing her book, You Want Me To Do What? Journaling for Caregivers, at the Antioch Barnes & Noble from 5:30–7:30 p.m.

This is a great opportunity to benefit PSC and do your holiday shopping at the same time!

Click here to visit the PSC website.

This delicious piece of metamedia should inspire us all to make sure we stay awake and sober on the job.

It also reminds me of the last item in this older piece from The Weekly Dig's always-excellent Media Farm.

Latest spam received:

You have get a Tax Refund on your Visa or MasterCard.
Complete the formular, and get your Tax Refund.

So we're starting a new feature here at calico_reaction, and the intent is to reduce the number of random, "maintenance" posts that appear on this journal. That's not to say there won't be a poll here or there (hey, I'm getting ready to post one very soon!), but for reminders for anything that's happening, be it a poll or the latest book club selection or just stuff I want your opinion on, I'll try to keep it limited to here: Maintenance Monday. :)

DON'T FORGET!!! November's Book Club selection is Alaya Dawn Johnson's Racing the Dark. Lovers of YA lit, unite and give this book a shot! There's been very little participation for the first two challenges (probably because I selected older titles that people had already read), so I'd love to see tons of participation for this one. And remember, while part of the reason behind the challenge is so we can all read something together and discuss it, the other reason for doing challenges is to challenge ourselves and read fiction we might not have considered otherwise. So, read! Details are here.

Speaking of participation..., have you participated in the discussion for October's challenge, Frankenstein by Mary Shelley? Remember, even if you read the book YEARS ago, if you comment and participate in the discussion, it counts as overall participation. Also! Don't forget to vote in the poll! Click here for all of the goodies. :)

The winner of a free copy of Steven R. Boyett's Elegy Beach has been announced here.

Regarding the book club, most of you really seem to like the idea of selecting a title at least ONE month ahead of time, most likely TWO months ahead of time. Hey, I like the idea too, that's why I proposed it! However, if you've got your two cents you want to share, don't miss out. Vote here.

Upcoming Reviews: Foxfire (Trickster's Game #3) by Barbara Campbell
Currently Reading: Bitter Angels by C.L. Anderson

Sue

I would be so afraid to bring a child into this world.

My father had some wine, he told me about Frankfort
and his country house, If someone you know won't wake up
because they swallowed all those pills, take them to the
hospital.
Sue waited with me for two days, but she should have taken
me somewhere,
I could have died. He was just dumped, kicked out of his
home,

There are times when we think that it will be better
for others
if we just weren't around. That we are such a small piece of
the assembly,
that we are flesh formed in a womb because two people
were lonely
and we were brought into this world without permission.

All this skin, all this blood, put into action, made to survive.

Sue got pregnant by a man who had a vasectomy, and after
three weeks
of skepticism, finally got a test that said he was that rare
percent
who grew back, the little piece of flatworm that miraculously
regenerated
and made a new being--and Sabrina was born a screaming
deaf.

http://scottwesterfeld.com/blog/?p=1899

As you probably know, Justine and I are doing writing tips for every day of NaNoWriMo. She’s doing even-numbered days, and I’m doing odd. Her tip from yesterday about the glories of square brackets reminded me of something I’ve been meaning to talk about for a while. And I think it’s going to be a multi-day thing.

So here’s the first of several essays on the subject of meta-documents! (And don’t forget to check below for my NYC appearance this Tuesday.)

Sometimes in the headlong fury of trying to make our word count, we writers forget to keep track of our characters’ scars and bruises, of their eye and hair colors, or even what day of the week it is. We forget, in short, to make meta-documents.

So what does this fancy term mean? Well, the main document your working on for NaNoWriMo is, of course, the Novel itself. But in order to keep that novel coherent, you almost certainly need meta-documents. That is, documents about the main document.

Think about it: novels are at least 50,000 words, and can be three times that length or more. That’s a huge project, and you, dear novelist, are the Project Manager. You need a clipboard with you at all times, or you will start forgetting stuff.

Of course, the most famous type of meta-doc is the Outline, the chapter-by-chapter plan of how the Novel will unfold. Some of us writers love to outline, some find it a chore, and some find that outlining is a novel-killer, destroying any need to tell the story at all. Finding your own place on that continuum is the job of every writer.

But heed this well: Just because you’ve given up on outlining, don’t think that you can throw aside all other forms of meta-documentation. The outline is actually quite an odd meta-doc, in that you usually work on it before you start writing. But most meta-docs are things you maintain while you write. They are maps of where you’ve been, not of where you’re going. They are the keepers of consistency and realness.

Trust me, the sooner you start making meta-docs in the writing process, the less you will be pulling out your hair later on.

So for the next few odd-numbered days, I’ll be giving descriptions of some meta-documents that I use while writing. Today, I cover the mighty timeline . . .

Timelines

Timelines are possibly the most important meta-doc for me. Without them, I have no idea what day it is. And without that, all sort of details get shaky. Bruises heal instantly. People go to school six days in a row. The moon stays full for a week and a half. This makes for an unconvincing novel.

More importantly, emotional reality breaks if you don’t know how much time has past. A horrible fight with your best friend feels very different a week later than it does the day after it happened.

And take it from me: Timelines are extremely easy to create along the way, and a ROYAL PAIN to reconstruct later on. So do them while you write. Start one NOW.

Okay, but what should your timeline look like? In the timeline for the first book in the Uglies series, I started every line with a chapter of the book, and then give a calendar date. (I use a calendar even if the characters never mention dates themselves, just to keep myself on track.)

I also annotate jumps in time and other oddities, especially these three:

1) What off-screen characters (Shay, in the case below) are up to while the main action is taking place.
2) Any cues about time that appear in the text. “three days later” “It’s taking too long”
3) If characters are saying something untrue about time. (In Part II, Tally lies to hide her departure date.) It’s tricky to keep fact and fiction separate, for the reader as well as the writer.

Check it out:

Part I
Chapters 1-3 “New Pretty Town,” “Best Friends Forever,” “Shay”: late June 7
C. 4 “Wipe Out”: afternoon June 14
C. 5 “Facing the Future”: afternoon June 25
C. 6 “Pretty Boring”: afternoon June 28
C. 7-9 “Rapids,” “Rusty Ruins,” “Waiting for David”: late June 28
C. 10 ”Fight”: morning Aug 26
C. 11 “Last Trick”: late Sep 2
C. 12-14 “Operation,” Special Circumstances,” “Ugly for Life”: morning Sep 9
C. 15 “Peris”: a few days pass, Peris comes in dawn of 9/12
C. 16 “Infiltrator”: morning of 9/12
NOTE: Shay (off screen) leaves to go to the Smoke late 9/2, and gets there early 9/8, 5.5 days later. (Same as Tally, basically, with a slower hoverboard but with David’s guidance.)

Part II

C. 17 “Leaving”: night 9/12
C. 18 “SpagBol”: night 9/12 through morning 9/13
C. 19 “The Worst Mistake”: starts sundown 9/13
then three days’ travel on bottom p.121
sundown 9/16 on p.122
C. 20 “The Side You Despise”: very late 9/16
9/17 dawns on p. 127
C. 21 “Firestorm”: late afternoon 9/17
C. 22 “Bug Eyes”: sunset 9/17 through wee hours 9/18
C. 23 “Lies”: morning 9/18
Tally arrives at Smoke
She claims she left late 9/8 (night before birthday) and took 9.5 days.
She actually took 5.5 days.
C. 24-27 “The Model,” “Work,” “David,” “Heartthrob”: all 9/18
C. 28 “Suspicion”: on p. 172 two weeks pass until 10/1 morning
C. 29-32 “Bravery,” “The Secret,” “Pretty Minds,” “Burning Bridges”: night of 10/1 except last paragraphs , which are dawn of 10/2

Part III
C. 33-37 “Invasion,” “Rabbit Pen,” “In Case of Damage,” “Run.” “Amazing”: early morning and onward of 10/2
C. 38-39 “Ruin,” “Maddy and Az”: morning 10/3
C. 40 “The Oil Plague”: night of 10/3
p. 259 is daybreak of 10/4
C. 41 “Familiar Sights”:
reach edge of desert during night of 10/4 p. 263
reach sea “three days later” on 10/7
travel for “a few days”
hunker down for storm from 10/10 to 10-14 p. 264
p. 265 is morning of 10/14
reach Rusty Ruins night of 10/17
In this chapter, David predicts they will make it to the city in ten days, but it takes 14 due to the 4-day storm, which is why he says (during the storm on p. 264 ): “It’s taking too long.”
C. 42 “Accomplices”: night of 10/17
C. 43 “Over the Edge”: as darkness falls on 10/18
The book ends 21 days later, the night of 11/8.

See how that works?

One quick note: Tally’s culture doesn’t use days of the week, but normally I keep careful track of those as well, just so no one goes to school/work on Sunday for no reason.

Another great thing about timelines is that they show you how your novel is paced. You might have three chapters in a row all set on the same morning, and then a series of chapters where time flies faster. Maybe this little pattern keeps happening again and again. Now, maybe that’s okay, or maybe it’s getting monotonous. But without a timeline, you might not notice the pattern at all.

Uglies is paced in a very particular way. Each book has a few intense days in the beginning, but then time spreads out as the characters go on a journey, allowing them to absorb the lessons they’ve learned. The timeline helped me recognize that pattern, and use it to my advantage.

Two days from now, I’ll talk some other types of meta-documents.

Take it away, Justine!

Also, don’t forget that I’m appearing with Justine and many other fabulous writers in New York City tomorrow!

Tuesday, November 10 6:00PM
Books of Wonder
Libba Bray – Going Bovine
Kristin Cashore- Fire
Suzanne Collins – Catching Fire
Michael Grant – Hunger
Justine Larbalester – Liar
And me!
18 West 18th Street
New York, NY 10011

Click here for all tour details. And click here to buy Leviathan.

http://www.hbook.com/blog/2009/11/lions-are.html

The New York Times Best Illustrated Books list is out, along with my review of The Lion & the Mouse. What a great book--I wish they had given me twice the space. When I sat down with it and my two young neighbors, the two year old boy announced, looking uncertainly at the cover, "lions are scary." His more intrepid four-year-old sister took over the narration from there ("Look out for the bird!") until the end, whereupon the two-year-old said, "lions are NOT scary." Now it's his favorite book, so we gave him a copy for his birthday, along with a little plastic lion he can carry around in his hand. What's your talisman?

 I'm at the line-and-a-bit-of-copy-editing stage of a novel, and am trying to find a good program for doing it digitally. This is ordinarily the point where I'd make notes by hand and mail a copy of the MS to the writer, but the writer in question is several continents away, and we'd both prefer to keep this digital if we can. I tried marking up the first couple chapters and scanning them as a multi-page PDF, but the file size was prohibitive; the Comments function in MS Word, which is what I've been using since, seems exceptionally unwieldy.

Any suggestions? What have you found that works well for this?

The good: I know for sure some kind librarians nominated FAR FROM YOU for the YALSA 2010 book lists (Best Books for Young Readers and Quick Picks for Reluctant Readers) because they told me so. THANK YOU kind librarians!!!

The not-so-good: It didn't make either nomination list, which means it didn't get the necessary second from a committee member. I'm sad, but oh well. I'm thrilled so many awesome books are on the lists and many of our LJ friends, including lkmadigan and jbknowles , have books there.

The good: The book I've been working on for the last 8 months, HOPE FOR NIMBUS, is done. For now. And I'm going to send it to my agent today!

The not-so-good: I wanted to be a lot further along on my new novel-in-verse than I am, and I'm so busy at work this month, I don't know that I'm going to have much energy to work on it during my off-hours. But, I guess I can only do what I can do.

The good: I was browsing the new S&S Children's Catalog for Spring 2010 and on the CHASING BROOKLYN page, it says, "12-copy mixed floor display (Includes 8 copies of CHASING BROOKLYN and 4 copies of I HEART YOU, YOU HAUNT ME) for $159.88." A floor display will be available for my books!!

The not-so-good: Will any bookseller really buy one? I often see news like this and think the worst. What is up with that?

The good: Day off today!

The not-so-good: I have a to-do list the size of a foot-long sandwich. I better get to it.

Happy Monday all! And in case I don't get a chance to say it tomorrow, Happy Anniversary Sesame Street!!

As regular readers of this blog know, I watch a lot of Sesame Street since I had my daughter. Before that, not so much, at least, not since my own childhood. But I am part of the original Sesame Street generation: it turns 40 this year---this week is the beginning of the new season---and I turn 40 (gulp) this coming summer. I was pretty much raised on Big Bird and Snuffy and Oscar, learning letters and numbers with them, and I love that my own kid is doing the same, now. (Although right NOW she is watching Barney, which I hate. I know, I know, that's mean. But I can't help it.) Personally, I will be THRILLED for the new season to begin, if only because we have watched all the ones from last year multiple times. As much as I love Neil Patrick Harris as the Fairy Shoeperson, and Sandra Oh as the Cookie Fairy, I'm ready for some new material. Although I never really get tired of Prairie Dawn. I just love that girl.


In other news, how much did I love Taylor Swift on SNL this weekend? I thought she was beyond fab, especially her monologue. If you missed it, it's here:


There was also a great send-up of the Twilight movie, although I kind of missed a lot of the joke because I, um, haven't seen it. I know, I know. I really should, especially with the second one about to come out, for professional research reasons if nothing else. I mean, it's a great thing when a YA book does this well. But honestly, I'm kind of suffering from Twilight burnout even WITHOUT seeing the movie. I mean, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are everywhere these days, and I feel like every time I turn around there's another series about vampires on TV or in the new releases on the bookshelf. And I am just not a vampire/werewolf kind of person. It probably makes me seem wholly unimaginative, but I like stories about real people and real life. This is why I never got into Harry Potter, either (and why my husband maintains I am a Muggle. But whatever).

Finally, on a more serious note, I'm sitting here watching a segment on domestic violence on GMA, and it's breaking my heart. They're talking specifically about teenage girls, and what they are calling the "Rhianna effect," i.e. that since she came forward and talked about being beaten by Chris Brown on Friday night, calls to domestic violence lines---and specifically teen targeted ones---went up considerably. This is an issue close to my own heart, because I wrote a book about a girl in a similar relationship, and since then I have literally gotten hundreds of emails and letters from girls telling me about their own stories with abusive boyfriends. It's a terrible, terrible thing, that this happens, and I so respect Rhianna for coming forward and shedding some bright, needed light on the subject. I was never in an abusive relationship. But several of my close friends, in high school and since, were, and they were not weak women. They were strong and smart and just got overwhelmed. It happens. But it doesn't HAVE to. There are resources and help out there. So if you need it, speak up. Tell a friend, a parent, a clergyperson, a teacher. Tell SOMEONE. Please. The number for National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline is 1-866-331-9474. Their website is here.

I hope you all have a great day.

So the Sunday before last, I lost my digital camera at the Texas Book Festival.  I was majorly bummed.  I'd lost all my pictures from my trips to Lubbock, Houston, and from the Festival.  Plus, I'd lost my camera.  I usually try not to get too attached to material items, but this camera took good pics and vids, rarely needed a flash, and had a wide field of view (or whatever you call it).

I immediately sent out emails to pretty much everyone I'd come into contact with at the Festival.  I knew where I'd left it/lost it -- in the signing tent, either under my seat or on the table.  Would someone find it?  Would someone honest find it?  I knew the Book Festival had a lost and found, and I knew they were diligent about returning lost items to their owners, but this was a camera.  I wanted to be optimistic, but at the same time, by Monday afternoon, I was online browsing Best Buy and Amazon. 

For the remainder of my trip and school visits, I would have to rely on my iphone. 

Here's Jesse, an awesome fourth grade teacher at Caraway Elementary, and Melanie, the equally awesome librarian:




I also had to rely on others for pics and vids.  Here's a great vid that was taken during one of my Fourth Grade Writing Camps:

www.youtube.com/watch

But then came word that my camera had been returned.  I was beyond elated.  It took a few days to coordinate getting it back, but finally, on Friday, Blair, the Super Intern from the Texas Book Festival, brought it to me.  She arrived during one of my presentations.  So of course, we dropped everything and took a bunch of pics!

This is how to start the week off with a smile: CHAINS has been nominated to the longlist of the Carnegie Medal!  What is the Carnegie Medal, you ask? It is the top award for children's novels in England, sort of a combination of the Newbery and the National Book Awards. I am completely blown away by this - honored, stunned and very, very happy.


  British hardcover                                British paperback




I had a blast at the American Association of School Librarians conference this weekend. I signed thousands of books, met countless friendly and passionate librarians and gave a speech. Thank you to everyone who made my conference so much fun.

Half a ballroom of librarians. (The other half of the room was filled, too!)

Many people asked me to post my speech online. We will be doing that soon. Here are a couple of snippets that people responded to the most. Permission is granted to reproduce, with proper acknowledgments, of course.

I talked about the recent censorship challenges my books have faced and then said this:

"I believe that every time a library budget is cut, every time a librarian’s hours are cut -  or the position is eliminated completely -  it is another form of censorship. It is stealing from children and interfering with their education.

Taking books out of libraries and taking librarians out of libraries are just like ripping the roof off of a school. And maybe that’s how we need to describe it, in the dire, stark terms of reality. You can't run a school that doesn't have a roof. You can't run a school without librarians and libraries.

Book people – like you and me – tend to be a little uncomfortable with conflict. We value discussion, we respect other opinions. We avoid fights.

 When I was kid, I was not allowed to start fights. If I did, I knew that I’d be in a whole lot more trouble when I got home than I could ever be at school.But my mother – she of the hats and gloves and ugly purses -  told me that if anybody ever hit me first, I was allowed to punch back as hard as I could.

“Don’t you ever start a fight,” Mother said.  “But if somebody picks a fight with you, by God, you finish it.”

The people who do not value books or librarians have picked a fight with me. That was a mistake.

They are ripping the roof off our libraries, off our schools. They are exposing our children to ignorance and condemning them to poverty. When they rip the roof off of libraries, they weaken our country."

 

[I'm cutting out a little from this section]

 

"Those of us who truly, deeply care about the health and happiness of kids and teenagers have a sacred obligation to help them along their path to adulthood. We are charged to create and to find the very best books for these children.

 

To hand a book to a child or a gawky adolescent is to rescue her from the unforgiving isolation of illiteracy and transport her to the joyful and rewarding kingdom of an open mind. 

 

I cannot think of a job more difficult or more important than yours. Reading is not a subject matter. It is a survival tool, the  requirement of modern living.  Libraries are not luxuries. Libraries are the lifeblood of our schools and the foundation of our culture."

I hope my words might help, a little.

One last conference note. The other banquet  speaker was Charles R. Smith Jr. Do you know his work? Have you heard him speak? If not, go out RIGHT NOW and pick up some of his books. Then arrange to have him visit your school - he is the best speaker I have seen in a very long time.

Charles and I sitting on chairs that look like thrones.... it was approaching midnight and we had just finished signing a kajillion books and so we look a bit tired. But how can you turn down the chance to be photographed in a chair that looks like a throne?

If you've read my blog for any length of time you've probably learned a few things about me.

1. I love writing poetry and books for kids, my dog, my native plant garden, Santa Cruz, and chocolate.

2. A little over a year ago I was laid off from my day job and have spent the last year adjusting and enjoying being a full-time writer.

3. I'm filled with all kinds of doubts and insecurities about who I am, what kind of a writer I'm supposed to be, and if I am ever good enough whatever task is waiting right in front of me. (In other words, I worry a lot about things I should quit worrying about.)

But probably the single thing that tells you the most about me is that I have never known my father. His name, yes, but that's all. I've never met him or anyone in his family. The only pictures I've ever seen were of him as a gawky young man in a white suit at their wedding. He was gone before I was born.

As I kid I used to bug my mom all the time for information about him but she never really said much. No one in the family talked about him and when they did, they never painted the prettiest picture. But here's the thing, I didn't want them to tell me whether the picture was any good or not. I wanted to see for myself. Still families do what they can to protect what they feel needs protecting and by the time I was in the 4th grade and someone asked me if I was Tommy Webb's daughter I said no, without hesitation. I had been trained well.

When you have a hole like that in your life it's like a scab you can't let heal. And people who don't have the same kind of hole often find it difficult to understand why just can't leave it all alone and move on. I can't explain the why. I can only claim the hole. It's grown smaller over the years but it's still there.

Last week I wrote about the distance we need between real life and our stories before we can write about them. In the past I've written about feeling safe enough to write the truth of your story. I believe we should always strive to write with emotional honesty, even when (or especially when) that seems like an impossible task.

That's where Flyboy comes in. Every question I've ever had about my father, about my worth as a person, about how I felt something missing when there was no reason to feel that way because my life was just fine the way it was....all of that has been pouring into Flyboy for, well, over 25 years now.

Characters and plot, I've got them. But to take that emotional plunge into the ice water of my past...I just couldn't make myself do it. I give myself a lot of sleep suggestions about my books, hoping my subconscious will take me where I need to go.

Four years ago I had a dream about my father. In my dream I went to answer the front door and there was a man there, kind of old, his short beard was gray but he had some black hair on his head. He wore a suit that had seen better days. He handed me a box, a white box, like one you might get clothes in or a little bigger. It was tied with string, not a ribbon. I asked him what was in the box. He shook his head. I asked him again to please tell me what was in the box. Nothing. I don't know why I didn't just open it myself but I didn't. Then he walked away. I asked him to wait. He kept walking. Then I asked him who he was. He turned around and said, "I am your father." And then I woke up without opening the box.

Last week for some random reason I decided to check for my father on Classmates.com. I knew where he had gone to high school so I kept hoping that he might show up there. It was a far-fetched hope since people in his generation aren't as into the Internet as I am. Once I had gone there and found nothing I went through my normal little routine, putting in his name, the town he went to school in and the state where he was born. I'd never gotten anything back with that combo before but it was a familiar search I had done many, many times.

This time was different. This time an obituary popped up. I read it and burst into tears then almost as quickly I chastised myself for crying over someone who had never wanted me.

I've pieced together a story from my mom over the years. My father Tommy Webb was born in Arkansas and went to high school in Vallejo, California. His family eventually moved to Concord, to Bonifacio Street, into the little duplex across the street from where my mom lived. He worked at a service station in Walnut Creek, back when they had guys who pumped the gas for you. My grandmother's name was Tina. She was pregnant with my uncle Robert at the same time my mom was pregnant with me. I had an aunt Kitty who was two years older than I am. There was another aunt Janette. That's about it. Except for the not so pretty stories that I'll keep to myself because, as my mom told me today. He could have changed. Turned his life around. People do it all the time.

My father died in Missouri. In January. This year.

In January I was still recovering from being laid off, trying to piece my new life together, trying to figure out how to create a life that nourished my creative soul. I was whole but with rough edges that still needed smoothing. I think if I had found him then it would have been too much. Much too much. Sometimes distance is a good thing. Even if it means we never get the chance to say goodbye.

His obituary mentions my aunts and my uncle. Where they live. It also says he has two sons and a daughter. My half-siblings. And lots of grandchildren. Aunts and Uncles. Bothers and Sisters. Nieces and Nephews. Family or not. It all depends on your point of view. The kind of picture you want to paint.

The obituary does not, of course, mention me.

I keep thinking about that dream I had. How odd to think that my father, who never paid a dime of child support, might give me a gift I've always wanted. Answers to questions that have haunted me for years.

The Internet makes things easy sometimes. Really it took no more than a few hours of searching to locate most of the family. They're not active online. No websites or blogs or Facebook profiles. But mailing addresses. Phone numbers. I have some of them now.

It's a chance. A chance to see at least part of the picture for myself.